AzMotorNews

Bad driving habits caused the fall of the Roman Empire. I'm sure of this.

Have you seen Ben Hur? It's the earliest evidence of road rage, and those soldiers didn't stop at cutting off people in traffic.

I believe Roman society started to decay when road rudeness became normal. When predicting the ebb of our present culture, we should remember history and look to the street.

I've been conducting highly scientific research for months and have an irrefutable conclusion: Idiots rule the road. They're the rudest, most inept drivers to ever get behind a wheel. Like motorized ants, they just keep coming.

This is a leading indicator of our society's demise. It affects a culture built on trust in fellow citizens; the rule of law to keep us equally safe; respect for others' lives and property; and, importantly, passing on the left.

But now anything goes on the road, and this attitude is exploding into other areas: business, politics, sports and entertainment. We are how we drive.

My research, conducted in Arizona and California, led to some clear principles. To the untrained eye they may appear as gross generalizations, seasoned with stereotyping. Don't be fooled.

Principle No. 1 is beyond question: The more expensive the car, the more arrogant the driver. These mutants have nails to manicure, wheels to deal. They're in a hurry all the time, and you'll be squashed like a bug on the windshield if you're in the way.

If Mr. Big has just raced his way up I-10 - tailgating, honking, barking away on his Bluetooth - what will happen when he gets to the office? There won't be much team building or consensus. It's his way or the highway.

It's his highway.

Principle No. 2 says that in the evolution of American traffic habits, stop signs and red lights are mere suggestions. This is true across all societal categories. Whether you're a Mesa Mormon or a Tucson Taoist, why stop when you can just ... slow down?

I wait five seconds after a light turns green before entering an intersection because I'd rather die in my own bed someday rather than the gutter today. Of course, this causes Mr. Big to blast his horn at me (see Principle No. 1).

Let's transfer this to, say, politics. Do we really expect someone who might deliberately race through a red light or stop sign - the rules only apply to other people - to obey campaign-finance laws or truly vote her conscience?

Hardly. She will do exactly what she can get away with and nothing less.

Finally, Principle No. 3 of the great American road, and by far the most pervasive, is this: It's all about me.

If I have to get somewhere on time, damn the rules. If you need to merge into traffic on a busy morning, tough - wave at the next guy. If my child is late for school, the "drop-off zone" is wherever I want it to be. Don't like it? Here's my finger to let you know how little I care.

This principle, of course, translates very neatly into life. Sports and entertainment give us endless examples of boorish behavior we not only tolerate, we handsomely reward. Russell Crowe was arrested last week for assault - Oscar, Oscar! His attitude toward hotel clerks likely extends to driving, which to some only enhances his virile charm.

I don't know how we came to this point. It's probably the fault of conservative Republicans, the obvious font of everything evil. If not, we can lay blame on public schools (according to some conservative Republicans, the font of everything else evil).

Public schools have largely done away with driver's ed, which didn't just give Coach Sandusky something to do before practice. It actually taught us rules.

Driver's ed gave us a semester of rules. When pulling out of a parking lot onto the street, for example, you must ... stop. When merging into traffic on the freeway, you must do it safely. Who's teaching this now?

If this sort of instruction is now left to parents, God help us. Idiots beget idiots, and if the parents I've observed are teaching kids how to drive, we've only scratched the surface of incompetence. Bring back the coaches!

I know all traffic rules. I am always courteous. I never violate the law.

I am a safe driver.

And I am ... late! So get the (expletive) out of my way!

John MacDonald is a Tempe resident and public affairs consultant. Reach him at jmac1962@cox.net.

Link to tis original article at;

http://www.azcentral.com/arizonarepublic/viewpoints/articles/0612macdonald0612.html

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